The Queen of Gypsies

Praised be the Mastery of Diplomacy of our beloved Queen! She is our Beacon of Professionalism and Talking Skills – she can get fish out of the water, pigs flying in the sky, and action out of Member States just by Being and Speaking (BS[1]).

Her Mastery of Diplomacy remains unchallenged in the history of Euro-Narnia. Here is an example of how tactfully she managed to cooperate with the Sarkozian State (the second strongest State of Euro-Narnian Empire) in 2010 on the Roma issues.

I will of course give the Euro-Sarkozian authorities the right to submit comments on the new developments in the course of the next days. But I make it very clear my patience is wearing thin: enough is enough.

 Her patience was wearing thin! The Euro-Narnian Gods were concerned, water turned red in the rivers, people stopped eating, birds stopped singing. The Sarkozians were ashamed. Many committed suicide. The Queen did the utmost sacrifice of all: she blushed with Anger. The sky split open and Baroslan spoke. Euro-Narnia was aroused to action and Royals and Seniors thought about us, the peasants. Some of their Mighty Neurons died on that day because of us.

But how worthy these sacrifices were! Our situation in the Sarkozian empire became so good following Her intervention that many peasants could not stand such a life of luxury and asked to be sent back to the much less stressful life in the ghettoes. The Sarkozians kindly complied, carefully watched by Euro-Narnia. Terrible frowns from Royals and Seniors forced the Sarkozian police to expel peasants with the utmost Respect.

Let’s look now at Queen’s words about us.

Her Highness delivered the first of the many speeches that eternally will illuminate our way out of the caverns of ignorance in April 2010.  She was imperially Diplomatic as She said:

I don’t believe we should waste ENERGY in developing special laws or funds for Roma.

 At that moment we thought we understood. The Queen revealed to us with these words what we had been unable to grasp for so long. All this time, the Euro-Narnians had been trying to save us peasants by not wasting ENERGY. ENERGY supports everything that is in us, and around us, and obviously is generated by the Brains Serene (BS –see footnote 1) of Royals and Seniors. The level of ENERGY must be kept constant, and developing any laws or funds for Roma drains it significantly.  ENERGY must be reserved to be used by Royals and Seniors for much more important matters. For example:

€400 000 were provided for ‘a completely European event supporting in every way the harmonious and prosperous coexistence of young people under the EU umbrella’ or in peasant language, running. The name of the event was The Marathon for United Europe.

€173 274 in Euro-Narnian funds were given to the luxury golf resort, Monte da Quinta Club, in the Algarve, Portugal. €80 000 went to building the virtual Malmo in Second Life (a virtual world).

 These actions might sound confusing for the untrained peasant reader but in fact they have a more complex and higher meaning than the already very useful ones: running, improving the Sport of the Poor (golf, that is) and building a much-needed virtual version of a real city. Unfortunately, these higher meanings cannot be explained by Euro-Narnians, as the Ways to Arrive at Serenity, Truth and Enlightenment (or WASTE) are secret and reserved only for the spending and understanding of the Seniors and Royals.

But enough about ENERGY. On October of the same Blessed year Her Majesty Spoke again to us.

For Euro-Narnia, the Roma issue is more than a summer story. We have been active for over ten years in this field. We do recognise, however, that more needs to be done.

We peasants were impressed to tears about the fact that we were not a ‘summer story’. We were not quite sure what she meant, but we liked the sound of it, and as we are musical beings, we applauded enthusiastically.

However, We have been ACTIVE for over ten years in this field puzzled us: the Queen clearly has never in her life been active in the fields of the peasants (and rightly so – royalty must keep their hands clean). We realized that ACTIVE is another tricky Euro-Narnian word. As is WE  – could it possibly refer to the Euro-Narnians themselves? We cannot recall any activity – in the peasant sense of the word – from 2000 to 2003. After many debates and years of studying the Extraordinary Speeches from the BS[2] book we have concluded that ACTIVE means ‘to be sick of’ (just like the word ‘positive’ does, in relation to HIV).

 ‘More needs to be done’ did not worry us much as we knew from previous experience what it meant. All-powerful Euro-Narnian ‘Warriors for the Order of Righteous and Defenders of Serenity’ (i.e. WORDS) would be sent to fight social exclusion, poverty and abject anti-Gypsyism. And the Queen did not keep us waiting long for the WORDS:

 The Euro-Narnians put the issue of Roma integration into a broader perspective. We set out a strategy to have an agenda for a truly inclusive society focusing on fighting poverty, improving skills, bolstering social cohesion and increasing employment.

 This was a real call to war. They (blessed be their unknown names by Baroslan) created a mighty Strategy to create an Agenda that will Focus on Discussing how Others (non-Euro-Narnians of course) will need to do things. I know this might seem confusing; but to ensure clarity, the Seniors invented Reports and Communications that report and communicate on the Strategy to create the Agenda that Focuses on Discussing how Others will do things. Sometimes there is even a need for Reports on the Reports and Communications…

The Holiest things ever said by the Queen came later:

 Also the Roma themselves play a key role in their own integration. Integration policies must be evidence-based and must be designed WITH the Roma and not just FOR the Roma. With Roma women. And with Roma children. Failing to involve Roma in the design of effective integration policies to finally break the poverty cycle and is a recipe for failure.

That was the moment when I understood that she truly was the Queen of the Gypsies. She used WORDS to heal and mesmerise us, just like some of our women who tell fortunes and cast spells. She was trying to be the Holy impersonation of what most Euro-Narnians think Roma women are: a Woman Intellectual Technocrat Commissioner Highness  – we peasants still use the vulgar acronym.

It is true that no Roma women (in fact, no Roma whatsoever) were employed by Euro-Narnia, but the Queen’s beautiful voice, her passion, and her gestures were worth a million times more than any experience or facts. We felt truly BlesSed.

In 2010 and 2011 major crises made us peasants very visible for the Euro-Narnians. Press visibility seems to provide ENERGY for the Royals and Seniors, and as a result, there was a rumor that a Euro-Narnian Strategy for Roma would be put in place. The Queen put an end to our anxious waiting:

This Euro-Narnian Framework aims to bring about a change in the approach to Roma inclusion: a transition from scattered, project-based interventions to comprehensive, evidence-based strategic thinking. The new approach is also clearly linked to Europe’s ambitious economic growth agenda, the Euro-Narnian 2020 strategy.

 The move from projects-based interventionsto the much better and much more substantial strategic thinking was truly an act of brilliance, Baroslan bless Her. By no means should we think that those ‘over 10 years’ of being ‘active’ didn’t involve evidence–based strategic thinking. In fact we are still not quite sure what evidence–based strategic thinking means, but we are certain that the Royals and Seniors will reveal to us the Sacred Meaning soon. Only two years have passed since Her Majesty started the Strategic Thinking and we already started feeling lots of Energy building up. Accordingly, consultations with us peasants have been reduced to the minimum; Euro-Narnians need to be focused.

Now some perverted minds of peasants and non-Euro-Narnian intellectuals (forever be their names cursed!) might think that the Queen contradicted what she had said just two years before (i.e that Euro-Narnia should not waste Energy on peasants laws or funds) by launching a Framework Strategy for Roma. However, the Queen is never wrong. She is consistent, but for us mortals her meanings and ways, and sometimes even her decisions, are incomprehensible.

I will end this chapter by proving her irrefutable link to the Beyond and her Majestic solution to our problems.

23 May 2012:  We are all aware of the enormous challenges faced by Roma communities. It is time to translate ambitions into action.

Eight years before, the Euro-Narnian Holy books included this phrase ‘integrating the Roma population needs to be rapidly translated into action.’

A mind unaccustomed to the subtleties of Euro-Narnian Royalty might think that she simply repeated what had been said eight years before. Some despicable snakes would perhaps go even further and imply that lacking ideas or solutions, and unwilling to do exert further efforts, the Queen was unnecessarily producing some Royal hot air.

However, this could not be further from the Truth. She was in fact Magnificent, and imbued the older words written by unworthy low-level Euro-Narnians with a Royal meaning. The ambiguous term ‘rapidly’ was transformed into the much more precise ‘it is time’ and the vague ‘integrating Roma’ became, appropriately, the Royal ‘ambitions’.

Flocks of pigs flew majestically over Euro-Narnia that day – a clear signal of her powers and the great Revelation to come.

* all quotes can be found on the Queen’s speeches website; the 2004 report is also available online.

** The next chapters of the Euro-Narnian Chronicles will include a short history of the Roma Ministry and its documents, an overview of the States’ Work on Roma, a description of our own Powerful peasants and to be soon Seniors, and hopefully the Great Revelation.

*** Any resemblance to actual people or places is purely coincidental

[1] No link whatsoever to the waste produced by bulls or bullshit in peasant language, whatever some vermin might suggest.

[2] Here, BS stands for Book of Serenity, and has no link to the meaning explained in the first footnote

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